dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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