So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
