shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
