Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
