The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
