I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
