I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
