I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
