You're so nebulous sometimes
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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