how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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