I think i sorta joined a cult last night
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
