Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
