It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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