ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
