How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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