I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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