we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
being pregnant is like rehab
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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