so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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