You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
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I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
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I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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