I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
