Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We were destined to go to rehab together
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
