literally had 100 drinks last night.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You are the jesus of drinking
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
