Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
