he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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