We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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