and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
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We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
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He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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