i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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