You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
