She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
