what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
