Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
