Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
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I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
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Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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