Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
