If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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