if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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