She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
