Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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