I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
