Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
