I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I understand Curling. That high.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
