I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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