Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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