Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
