They should really pass out barf bags in church
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
