this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
