dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
