I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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