You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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