So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
