According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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