Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
