i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
