To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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