I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
