how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
