Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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