nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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