i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
