mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
