The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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