I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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