i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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