You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
