We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
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Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
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I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I think i got beer on your cat.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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