He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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