I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize