On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
