dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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