Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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