Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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