the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
