my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize