Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
