he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
