it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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