where am i from again
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
