I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
