He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
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