i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
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one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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