he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
